Feeling Frustrated? Learn How to Use Feelings as Signposts

Have you ever struggled to understand why you were feeling a certain way and why you were feeling frustrated?

Perhaps you had already reflected on your feelings but still could not understand the reasons for feeling frustrated. This can lead to annoyance and confusion on what is going wrong with your feelings and perhaps life. In this post we’ll explore the perspective of using feelings as signposts and using these to find our bearings in life.

What does feeling frustrated mean?

Living a fulfilling life is something that many of us aspire to. We want to feel happy, content, and at peace with ourselves and our surroundings. Despite this simple aspiration, sometimes we find ourselves feeling frustrated, demotivated, or even depressed. These may in reality be our subconscious telling us that something is wrong and therefore we can feel lost, dissatisfied, or disconnected from what truly matters to us. It is a wake up call from our subconscious to take note and solve.

In the routine of life, feelings act as milestones; waking us up to take note of our bearings from our goals and values.

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Problematic feelings

Feeling dissatisfied with work, family, or personal life may be a signpost that something needs to change. It’s an indicator that we are not living in alignment with our values or our true purpose. By paying attention to this feeling, we can start to make the necessary changes to create a more fulfilling life.

Similarly, sadness can be a signpost that we need to take time to grieve, reflect, and perhaps let go of something or someone that is no longer serving us. Indifference can be a signpost that we are disconnected from our emotions and need to take time to reflect on why we are feeling this way.

By paying attention to our feelings and using them as signposts, we can gain greater insight into ourselves and make more informed decisions about our lives.

What are feelings?

Feelings are a complex and important aspect of human experience. They are a combination of many factors including sensory input, cognitive evaluations, and cultural influences. They can be understood as subjective experiences that are influenced by a variety of internal and external factors. Key word here is subjective, i.e. it is not factual, always true or set in stone.

Feelings are subjective and not factual. Indeed different people may experience different feelings given the same circumstances.

Models of emotions

There are a variety of theories and approaches to understanding emotions, including cognitive, developmental, and social perspectives. Emotions are essentially complex, multicomponent episodes that create readiness to act (1).

One of the most well-known theories of emotion is the James-Lange theory, which suggests that emotions arise from physiological changes in the body. According to this theory, when we experience a specific emotion, such as fear or happiness, our body responds with a specific set of physiological changes, such as increased heart rate or decreased respiration. These changes then create the subjective experience of the emotion.

More recent theories of emotion, such as the Schachter-Singer theory, suggest that emotions are the result of both physiological changes and cognitive evaluations of a situation.

Fridja, Lazarus model describes intense emotions as having at least six components:

[Person-environment relationship]

• Cognitive appraisal
• Emotional responses:
  • Subjective experience
  • Thought-action tendencies
  • Internal bodily changes
  • Facial expressions
• Responses to emotion

Feelings: What does this mean for us?

By understanding the role of emotions in our lives, we can develop a greater sense of self-awareness and make more informed decisions. By paying attention to our feelings and using them as signposts, we can navigate the complexities of our lives with greater ease and purpose.

For example, if we are feeling frustrated with our job, we can use this feeling as a signpost to explore why we are feeling this way. Perhaps we are not being challenged enough, or we are not being recognised for our contributions. By understanding the root cause of our frustration, we can take action to address the underlying issue. Remember that stress is important for us to develop resilience.

At the same time, feelings can be overwhelming, confusing, or even painful. It’s not always easy to know what to do with them, or how to interpret them. In these situations, talking to a truster person, friend, family member, mentor is invaluable. Failing this, seeking support from a therapist or counsellor can be helpful. They can provide a safe and non-judgmental space to explore our feelings, gain new insights, and develop new coping strategies.

We noted above that cognitive appraisal is a key component of emotion. This means our individual assessment of the personal meaning of our current circumstances. This is where our mindset becomes extremely important. If we have poor self image then we are more likely to appraise our circumstances negatively. If we have resilient mindset then we are much more likely to appraise our circumstances in a positive or balanced emotion. This in turn will lead to positive or more balanced emotional and physical responses.

Happiness?

Happiness may be a signpost that we are on the right track and living in alignment with our values and purpose. It’s a feeling of contentment, joy, and fulfilment that arises when we are doing what we love, surrounded by the people we care about, and living in a way that feels authentic and meaningful to us. It is however important to distinguish happiness from contentment.

Happiness may be temporary, short-term and due to activities that are not aligned with our deepest values, e.g. gambling, substance use, time wasting on entertainment etc. It is perhaps more accurate to label this as pleasure rather than happiness. Although they may temporarily lead to happiness, these will not last and won’t be as strong as the feeling of fulfilment we can find from activities that are aligned with our values and goals.

Anger?

Anger may represent signpost that informs us that we need to set boundaries or communicate our needs more effectively. It is a feeling of frustration, irritation, or even rage that arises when we feel that our rights, needs, or values have been violated. By paying attention to our anger, we can identify the underlying cause and take action to protect ourselves, communicate our needs, or assert our boundaries.

Frustration?

Frustration is a signpost that we need to approach a situation in a different way or seek additional resources. It’s a feeling of impatience, annoyance, or disappointment that arises when we encounter obstacles, challenges, or setbacks. By paying attention to our frustration, we can identify the source of the problem and take action to find new solutions, seek help, or adjust our expectations.

Putting it into practice

These are some practical steps you can take to use your feelings as signposts:

• Pay attention to your feelings throughout the day, noticing when they arise, and what triggers them.
• Keep a personal diary to keep track of your feelings and add any reflections to them so that you can look back and find the patterns.
• Take time to reflect on why you are feeling a certain way, exploring the underlying causes, and the messages they may be conveying.
• Practice discussing your feelings with trusted people in your circle. These are the people you can confide in without being judged. These can be family, friends or mentors.
• Use your feelings as signposts to guide your decision making, asking yourself how you can honour your emotions while making choices that are aligned with your values and goals.
• Do you act as ‘trusted person’ for someone you know so that they can confide in you and deal with their emotions in a healthier way? If not, could you offer this valuable service to someone you know? (see post on cheat code)
• Seek support from a therapist or counsellor if you are struggling to understand your emotions or need help developing new coping strategies.

By following these simple steps, you can use your feelings as a powerful tool for self-awareness, growth and resilience. Feelings, whether pleasant or unpleasant are our subconscious’ way of guiding us towards or away from the situation we find ourselves in. Instead of feeling frustrated, use the suggestions above to deeply understand your feelings and use them to guide your actions.

Reference: (1) E. Smith, et al; Atkinson & Hilgard’s Introduction to Psychology, p.390, Wadsworth, 14th edition.